Dirty Feeling
by Gracie-San
Summary: Jude had just gotten through making love to Lucy, right after he had gotten through making love to Max. Max questions him if whether or not Jude felt "dirty" after having sex with him. Oneshot. Max/Jude fic. M for some descriptive details.


**Okay, so basically, I'm going to be doing some oneshots for the next couple of days, and then I'll return to Just A Soldier. Okay? Okay. On with this oneshot. **

I lay in bed next to Lucy after a long night of fooling around, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her closer so she could snuggle into my chest. "I love you, Jude," she murmured sleepily. Our panting had slowed down enough to where we were breathing regularly and evenly, and eventually hers turned slower as a sign that she was asleep.

I noticed that usually after she says "I love you", I always retort back with an "I love you even more" naturally, but that night, it just didn't come. Neither did that special feeling of giddiness and happiness. The only thing I felt for was the need of Max being in my arms, instead of his sister. I cursed at myself for thinking that.

"_I'm supposed to love Lucy, not Max,"_ I had thought to myself. _"She's the love of my life. Not him." _Then another voice appeared in my brain and added its input by saying, _"Then why did you sleep with Max and then Lucy afterwards?"_

I suddenly saw flashbacks from this afternoon of kissing Max tenderly, feeling his body, and having him against me which made all my blood flow down south. _"Max, told me he loved me, and I didn't even hesitate to respond," _I thought grimacing.

I screwed my eyes shut, trying to ignore the shame that washed over me. _"Jude, what is wrong with you?! You usually treasure having this alone time with her. This is when you're supposed to soak up her goddess-like beauty!" _I opened my eyes to look at her up and down, expecting to feel something, anything. Instead I just felt dirty, as if I had slept with my younger sister.

Carefully, so as not to wake up Lucy, I had gotten out of bed and put on some pants. I quietly moved into the "Whatever Room" of our apartment to think, when I see none other than Maxwell Carrigan.

He was sitting on the couch, knees pulled up to his chest staring deep off into space, his precious blue eyes wide and wondering. That shaggy, blonde hair of his was pushed back, with the exception of a few strands still hanging in front of his face. I took a deep breath, which must have been loud because he looked over at me.

He stared at me for a couple of seconds, as if he were trying to memorize every detail, and then looked back at the wall before him. "Hey, Judey. Did you have fun in the sack with my sister?"

I wasn't sure whether to say, "No, because I wished it was you the whole time" or "Yes, absolute fun" so I had opted to say nothing and just keep my trap shut. I didn't want to make anybody mad.

After he realized that he wouldn't get an answer from me, he just sat there staring at the wall, refusing to look at me. After what seemed of an eternity of painful silence, he spoke up and quietly asked, "Why did you go sleep with Lucy right after you slept with me? Did you feel, like, dirty or something?"

He looked towards me and his eyes were wide. For the first time ever, I had actually seen Max look vulnerable and scared with no thoughts of Vietnam. I was amazed until I came to the realization, that I was making him like that. I reached out to brush those stray strands of hair out of his face when he backed up from me.

"You did, didn't you?" he asked, with a slight angry, hurt tone in his voice.

"I did, but-" I was cut off by Max interrupting me.

"But what? Jude, I said I loved you! And I meant it! Did you know how I felt when you told me that you loved me too? It was better than feeling high. I just felt… happy. Then for you to go sleep with my sister and then say you did it because you felt dirty? It just…" he was shaking his head, while his voice trailed off into complete and utter silence. I wanted so bad to let him know that I did love him, but I was just confused at the moment.

I opened my mouth, then closed it, yet to open it again and close it in a second. "Max, I, I do love you, it's just that I don't want to hurt your sister, and then back home, being gay really isn't accepted."

He looked down at the floor and said, "It's not accepted here either, but people still deal with it." He looked at me and I looked at him, and then a sense of lust appeared in his eyes. Max's eyes trailed down my body, lingering over my chest, going down further, until then he saw the growing arousal in my jeans that I was getting from him looking at me like that.

I started to reach toward him again, but this time he didn't protest and I started by tucking a strand of hair behind his hear then I moved my fingers over his cheekbone and then against his lips, tracing the outline of them, wishing I could press my own lips upon his. I kept running my finger across his face, now only going down his jaw line, then to his neck.

I leaned forward and softly kissed where I caressed his neck only to keep moving farther down south to his chest, earning me slight moans and an, "Oh, Jude" from him. I had gently pushed him down and got on top of him, gently making my way down his torso, kissing each and every bruise along the way.

I felt his erection growing against my leg, and I knew that he could feel mine. I rubbed our erections slightly together and he said, "Judey, that feels good. Do it again." I did and he groaned a little bit louder.

"We're gonna have to be quiet if we don't want to wake up anybody, Max," I said whispering and moving away from him to make sure nobody heard.

He looked around to and then grabbed my hand, pulled me up and we started walking toward the hallway where he suddenly pinned me against the wall. He crushed his mouth to mine and had a battle with our tongues where he was ultimately the winner. His tongue explored my mouth, making me turn harder each second. _"Lucy, has never been able to do this to me before!" _I thought quietly while I pulled Max closer to me.

We kissed down the hallway stopping in front of his door when he asked, "Now, are you sure you wanna do this, and get another dirty feeling?"

I gently bit his earlobe and whispered, "It's okay, I'll learn to live with the dirtiness." I turned the doorknob and motioned inward.

**So, what do you think? Is it okay? I've never written something that sexual before, so I mean, tell me if I did an okay job with describing it and all by R&R. Yes, I am kinda young to be writing this. **


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